a million ways to die in the west mustache quotes

permissions/licensing, please go to: www.TorontoStarReprints.com, Starring Seth MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Liam Neeson, Neil Patrick Harris, Amanda Seyfried, Sarah Silverman and Giovanni Ribisi. Albert Stark, a mild mannered sheep farmer living outside of Old Stump, Arizona, hates everything about living in this time and place, especially the literally million ways he and others can easily die every day without a care, from shoot-outs, to bar brawls, to bites by rattlesnakes hiding in outhouses, to affliction by any one of numerous untreatable plagues and pestilences. The American West, 1880s. It starts from a clever brain that ceased emotional development at age 12 and winds its way through to the orifice that emits the rudest noises and effluence. Toronto Star articles, please go to: www.TorontoStarReprints.com, Conversations are opinions of our readers and are subject to the, The Toronto Star and thestar.com, each property of Toronto Star All Albert: I know. Edward: Man, I see kids everywhere with those stock hoops lately. PREVIEW. Comedy, Romance, Western. Even as a self-described non-dancer, MacFarlane knows how to assemble the right team for a showstopper. Halle Bailey, Melissa McCarthy, and director Rob Marshall share the tale behind making their underwater musical with a groundbreaking Disney princess. Albert: The guy is one of the best shots around. After Albert backs out of a gunfight, his fickle girlfriend leaves him for another man. 10 Westerns Referenced In A Million Ways To Die In The West Copyright 2023 Albert: I'm not the hero. Listen to "A Million Ways to Die" below and let us know what you think. Updated at 22nd July 2015 by rearranging the order of some entries: What is the Japanese language plot outline for A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)? Tinker Bell and the Legend of the NeverBeast, Psycho (The Complete Original Motion Picture Score), A Million Ways To Die In the West (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) [Deluxe Edition], Classic Soundtracks: Psycho (1960 Film Score), The Imitation Game (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), The Magnificent Seven (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), Hercules (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), Cosmos: A SpaceTime Odyssey (Music from the Original TV Series), Vol. Her "it's not you, it's me" reason rings false as she quickly starts up with mustachioed Foy, the wealthy owner of a mustache grooming products store, he who Albert knows he cannot compete in not being wealthy enough to be able to grow a groomed mustache. If you do not yet have a Torstar account, you can create one now (it is free), Copyright owned or licensed by Toronto Star Newspapers Limited. Offers may be subject to change without notice. rights reserved. Star Newspapers Limited and/or its licensors. Seth MacFarlane's 'A Million Ways to Die in the West' - The New York Times For example, if you drain a certain amount of venom from the fangs of a diamondback rattler into a hollow-tip bullet, you really only need one shot. Then Stark must put his newfound bravery to the test when Anna's outlaw husband arrives with plans to plant him in an unmarked grave. A Million Ways to Die in the West - Rotten Tomatoes Albert Stark, a mild mannered sheep farmer living outside of Old Stump, Arizona, hates everything about living in this time and place, especially the literally million ways he and others can easily die every day without a care, from shoot-outs, to bar brawls, to bites by rattlesnakes hiding in outhouses, to affliction by any one of numerous untreatable plagues and pestilences. Anna: God, why are the Indians always so mad? The 50 greatest TV and movie detectives of all time. I don't wanna put myself through that kind of f***ing aggravation. On the other hand, Albert also has to find the gunslinging skill in order to battle Louise's new boyfriend - the cocky and wealthy Foy (Neil Patrick Harris) - in a shootout in front of the entire town. Albert: You know, there are a million ways to die in the west, Clinch. No better way to make your ex-girlfriend want you back more than to let her see you with another girl. By continuing, you agree to the Privacy Policy and And in director/co-writer/star Seth MacFarlane's A Million Ways to Die in the West (in theaters today), Neil Patrick Harris, playing the douchebag proprietor of an Old West mustache shop, loses a . Well, did he at least hear all the smart things I said? Like. He followed up Ted with 2014's A Million Ways to Die in the West, a spoof of westerns pointing out just how bleak and unromantic life in the Old West would've been.. RELATED: 10 Funniest Quotes From Ted While A Million Ways to Die in the West was nowhere . Review: Seth MacFarlane's A Million Ways to Die in the West Listen to A Million Ways To Die In the West (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) by Joel McNeely on Apple Music. He got . But when she leaves him for the more successful and handsome owner of a moustachery store, Albert returns to his lonely daily life of trying to avoid death. Stay up-to-date on all the latest Rotten Tomatoes news! A Million Ways to Die in the West / Trivia - TV Tropes Anna: I'm a little cocky. A Million Ways to Die in the West rides into theaters . The shooting gallery at the fair has only 10 targets (2 rows of five), but Anna shoots 12 for a perfect score. Vulgar -- yes, but just not funny. She has a problem with retardation, but she's full of love. Albert: Yeah. It stunts their attention span. It was released on DVD and Blu-ray on October 7, 2014, and earned more than $15 million in home media sales. The film was number three at the box office during its opening weekend and grossed over $87 million worldwide against a budget of $40 million. When the rivalry leads to a duel, he gets help from an unexpected, beautiful source. See production, box office & company info. She neglects to tell him that shes married to the outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), an infamous and jealous gunslinger who regularly contributes to that million-ways body count. A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - He Drank the Whole Bowl! When she sees me, she'll be intimidated as f***. I never see him. Chinese Date: How should I know? May 29, 2014. Everything out here that's not you wants to kill you, angry drunk people, hungry animals, outlaws, the doctor." Albert gives a breakdown of just a few of the million ways to die in the West. Louise: You're not even a good sheep farmer, Albert. McNeely bases his playful and robust score on classic silver screen-era Westerns, offering up a pastiche that's both reverent and self-aware, while the theme song, which is performed by Alan Jackson, and "If You've Only Got a Mustache," the latter of which is performed by Grammy-nominated American tenor Amick Byram, are as goofy as they are . Me too. What should be an ensemble comedy is more of a showcase for MacFarlane, who also co-writes and takes production and music credits. His running gag about how people never smile in old-fashioned photographs might have seemed hilarious on paper but it certainly isnt on the screen. 2014 | Maturity rating: 16+ | 1h 55m | Comedies. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. R. I suck at dancing. expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Toronto He followed up Ted with 2014's A Million Ways to Die in the West, a spoof of westerns pointing out just how bleak and unromantic life in the Old West would've been. 10 Funniest Quotes From A Million Ways To Die In The West Directed by Seth MacFarlane. A Million Ways to Die in the West | Apple TV And then, for a good reason, Albert gets dumped by his charming girlfriend, Louise, only to fall head over heels in love with the intriguingly mysterious, horse-riding and pistol-packing stranger, Anna. Internet Service Terms Sign in to rate and Watchlist for personalized recommendations. Apple Inc. It won't be easy because there are a million ways to die in the west. A Million Ways to Die in the West is a 2014 American western comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane, who wrote the screenplay with Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild. MacFarlane deserve some credit for allowing Theron to upstage him, sometimes just with a knowing look. However, a pistol-packing woman named Anna (Theron) rides into town and helps Albert find his inner courage. Copyright 2023 A Million Ways to Die in the West - Goodreads Doctors! 1882. To order copies of R. 1h 56m. "Don't go snackin' if you been tobaccin'.". All you need is a little bit of the venom introduced into your bloodstream and you're pretty much screwed. I look like I have Parkinson's next to him. But when her husband, a notorious outlaw, arrives seeking revenge, the farmer must put his newfound courage to the test. Albert: Oh. As a very loose rendition of historical fiction, it requires an ability to enjoy the suspension of belief in order to appreciate the humor, as well as an ability to look past the few offensive remarks to that are both poignant stabs at the time period as well as timely interpretations of . And if they dont work the first time, hell try and try again. And, uh, wild animals. Albert: Oh my god, please! Depressed and discouraged by how his life is full of disappointment and how every instance of love is then destroyed and robbed from him, Albert finds comfort in Anna (Charlize Theron), a newcomer to his small village. Filming began on May 6, 2013, in various locations in New Mexico including Alburquerque and Santa Fe, and it concluded on August 9 that year. Inspiration for the Work: The film originated as an inside joke between Seth MacFarlane and co-writers Alec Sulkin and Wesley Wild while they were watching Hang 'Em High. Newspapers Limited, 8 Spadina Avenue, 10th Floor, Toronto, ON M5V 0S8. This was the American frontier in 1882, a hard land for hard folk. There's, uh, famine, disease, gunfights And, uh, wild animals. But when her husband, a notorious outlaw, arrives seeking revenge, the farmer must put . Copyright 2023 Meredith Corporation. But theres just one path to his infantile humour. It's 1882 in Arizona, the heartland of the American West. A Million Ways To Die In the West (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack A Million Ways to Die in the West hits theaters on May 30. It's Me, Margaret. There's, uh, famine, disease, gunfights. A Million Ways to Die in the West: Trailer 1, A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Ways to Die, A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Eddie's Girl, A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Things Could Be a Lot Worse, A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Eddie's First Time. A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014) - Plot - IMDb In Seth MacFarlanes A Million Ways to Die in the West, Neil Patrick Harris takes center stage for one of the films best sequences the highly choreographed and riotously funny Mustache Song., I do always feel like everything that I do should have some sort of musical component, MacFarlane told EW. There was a sheep in the whorehouse the last week. Vulgar, crude, self-referential, and irreverent, A Million Ways to Die in the West is a typical Seth MacFarlane comedy. Albert: [Being offered a pot cookie by Anna] The last time somebody gave me one of these, I became convinced that prairie dogs could read my mind. A Million Ways to Die in the West Review - IGN When the rivalry leads to a duel, he gets help from an unexpected, beautiful source. By creating an account, you agree to the A Million Ways to Die in the West: Directed by Seth MacFarlane. Review: What Does Seth MacFarlane's 'A Million Ways to Die in the West But, just how many ways to die are there in the west? Louise: [flustered] They're not that big. If you can get a song in there, its just a nice Hollywood tradition.. Seth MacFarlane and Charlize Theron A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST What are the differences between the Theatrical Version and the Extended Cut. Gunman at Fair in Final Scene: Somebody bring me one of them white women. presentation-ready copies of Toronto Star content for distribution We Should All Just Wear Coffins As Clothes, Tinker Bell and the Legend of the NeverBeast, Psycho (The Complete Original Motion Picture Score), A Million Ways To Die In the West (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), Bernard Herrmann: The Twilight Zone Conducted By Joel McNeely (Music From Television Series), Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire (Original Soundtrack), X-Men: Days of Future Past - Rogue Cut (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) [Extended Version], The Imitation Game (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), 007: Casino Royale (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) [Deluxe Version]. Albert Stark, a mild mannered sheep farmer living outside of Old Stump, Arizona, hates everything about living in this time and place, especially the literally million ways he and others can easily die every day without a care, from shoot-outs, to bar brawls, to bites by rattlesnakes hiding in outhouses, to affliction by any one of numerous untreatable plagues and pestilences. He is also not adept at shooting guns, which makes the death by shoot-outs even more likely, and is the reason why he cowers out of a shoot-out with someone to whom he owes money. Louise was right, I can't keep track of them. 'A Million Ways to Die in the West': Inside the 'Mustache Song'. All you need is a little bit of the venom introduced into your bloodstream and you're pretty much screwed. Albert: Oh, f*** that. Joel McNeely composed the score and Media Rights Capital, Fuzzy Door Productions, and Bluegrass Films produced the film. As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. I read an article in the paper. You know, like snakes. You know, like snakes. A Million Waysto Die in the West is a gross-out Gunsmoke, with MacFarlane directing an old-timey facsimile of his modern self in the lead role of Albert, a cowardly sheep herder in the Arizona of 1882. Apple Inc. https://www.quotes.net/movies/a_million_ways_to_die_in_the_west_110222, A Million Ways to Die in the West Screenplay, A Million Ways to Die in the West's quotes, https://www.quotes.net/movies/a_million_ways_to_die_in_the_west_quotes_110222. A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Great Scott. As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. But jokes that weren't funny the first time aren't funny the sixth time, either. This version also has even more footage in deleted scenes, and an alternate beginning and ending. I'm about to shoot a full load at your cans. Nov 20, 2014. For a few chuckles more. He knows how to make people laugh, as demonstrated in his Family Guy TV series, his movie smash Ted and in sporadic moments of his gig hosting the Oscars last year. Starring: Seth MacFarlane,Charlize Theron,Liam Neeson. Seth MacFarlane gets wild in new Western 'Million Ways to Die' 10 Funniest Quotes From A Million Ways To Die In The West Is it possible to overthink moronic humour? 2014 Back Lot Music. Ruth: But this is just the outside, there's these folds. If You've Only Got a Moustache. As Albert and Anna start to fall for each other in the process, Anna has to decide if and when she will tell him the truth: that she is already married, albeit unhappily, to Clinch Leatherwood, a vicious outlaw who, along with his gang, she and Lewis are waiting for in Old Stump. Hear Seth MacFarlane's 'A Million Ways to Die in the West' theme song A Million Ways to Die in the West, Seth MacFarlane's follow-up to Ted, has a solid cast and holds promise, but the trailers simply gave all the best jokes away. Albert: No, no, no, no! This is MacFarlanes first live-action lead role (he voiced the potty-mouthed bear in Ted) and for my money hes simply not great at being the leading man, coming off as more obnoxious than straight-up funny. Anna and Albert. Then the mysterious Anna rides into town and captures Albert's interest and heart, but with her deadly husband in town, Albert is going to have to become the western gun-slinging hero he never was. Anna: There is something about connecting over mutual hatred that is just so much deeper than mutual love. Susan Granger's review of 'A Million Ways to Die in the West' Anna vows to help Albert with many issues in his life, most specifically in getting Louise back largely by pretending to be his girlfriend to make Louise jealous, and learning how to shoot in what ends up being a challenge to a shoot-out with Foy for Louise's hand. I suck at sheep. Then the mysterious Anna rides into town and captures Albert's interest and heart, but with her deadly husband in town, Albert is going to have to become the western gun-slinging hero he never was. MacFARLANE: It always depends on the gag, more than the person. However, when the infamous West outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson) arrives in town, Albert realizes that he has just intruded on Clinch and Anna's husband-and-wife relationship, and Clinch is hungry for retribution. A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - That's a Dollar Bill! Seth MacFarlane directs, produces, co-writes and plays the role of the cowardly sheep farmer Albert in A Million Ways to Die in the West. The film was released on May 30, 2014, in the United States, and distributed worldwide by Universal Pictures. It's like they lose the power to innovate because they're staring at the stick hoop all day. Foy: My dear, they're practically Chinese! Edward: No I feel like I should have a piece of cake or something. I'm the guy in the crowd making fun of the hero's shirt; that's who I am. A Million Ways to Die in the West goes south: review And then, for a good reason, Albert gets dumped by his charming girlfriend, Louise, only to fall head over heels in love with the intriguingly mysterious, horse-riding and pistol-packing stranger, Anna. Edward: Hey, dude, you really shouldn't drink and horse. Edward: Albert, he's dead. What Shows Have Been Renewed or Canceled. Directed by Seth MacFarlane. MacFarlane certainly seems to embrace this contradiction. 2014 Universal Studios. Republication or distribution of this content is . Albert: Okay, all right, get ready. One Cameo In A Million Ways To Die In The West Was Even A Surprise To Star Wars Jedi: Survivor Has Perfected Lightsaber Combat, Project Milo Was a Big Swing (and a Miss) at Leveling Up Game AI, Mrs. Doubtfire Actor Matthew Lawrence Alleges He Lost Marvel Role After Refusing Director's Advances, Fan-Favorite Deadpool 2 Character is Returning for Deadpool 3, King of the Hill Actor Confirms Revival Will Feature a Time Jump, Amazon Prime Members: Get $5 in Free Amazon Credit, The Biggest Games Coming in May and Beyond, Xbox Storage Expansion Cards on Sale for New All-Time Low Price, Moon Mystery - Official Kickstarter Trailer, Marvel Cinematic Universe: Phase One - Avengers Assembled, Resident Evil 4 Clockwork Castellan Locations. Unexpectedly, Anna and Albert have a genuine connection--and as our unassuming hero learns the fundamentals of survival in the inhospitable wild west--an ironic, yet grave challenge against an unforeseen and mighty adversary demands that he puts to the test his newly found abilities. A Million Ways to Die in the West is not for everyone. Albert: Oh. Updated at 22nd July 2015 by rearranging the order of some entries: What is the Japanese language plot outline for A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)? A passive, shy sheep farmer tries to avoid conflict, a trait which has kept him alive but has now resulted in his girlfriend leaving him. The only time it came out of nowhere was when Charlize said, "Hey, Ewan McGregor is doing a movie up the street!" 'A Million Ways to Die in the West': Inside the 'Mustache Song' This is the curious thing about MacFarlane. Here are your picks for the Best of the Capital Region 2023 A Million Ways to Die in the West | Fandango The movies best lines are typically one-liners that rarely come from the lips of MacFarlane, who frequently oversells a joke when he isnt merely spouting obscenities. The Best Quotes From 'A Million Ways to Die in the West' - Ranker STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Albert recklessly challenges Foy to a gunfight a week hence, even though the hapless sheep minder literally cant shoot to save his life. To order One father scolded his young son, "Take your hat off! Hes outclassed by Charlize Theron, who shows off her comedy chops in a surprisingly big way and generally seems to be enjoying herself. Entertainment Weekly is a registered trademark of Meredith Corporation All Rights Reserved. the Terms and Policies, and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. At least stay through the weekend. The one where EW follows up with the cast. 1:31. PREVIEW. MacFarlane also relied on veteran singer and two-time Grammy nominee Amick Byram to do the vocals. Your mileage may vary depending on your enthusiasm for his smirking frat-boy comedy. 11. A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014) - IMDb Edward: Hey, dude, you really shouldn't drink and horse. All rights reserved. But if I caught you by surprise Well, Anna taught me just enough to get me in the ballpark. Set in 1882 in the American west, Albert is a lowly farmer with a nice girlfriend. Ruth: Oh yeah, it's this, its like from here to here. The real peculiarity of A Million Ways To Die in The West and what a waste of a great titleis that it's got no good reason to be a Western in the first place, tongue-in-cheek or not. . A Million Ways to Die in the West. Anyone can read Conversations, but to contribute, you should be a registered Torstar account holder. Millie: You're okay with your girlfriend screwing, like, 15 different guys every day and getting paid to do it? A Million Ways to Die in the West is not for everyone. Privacy Policy As Albert and Anna start to fall for each other in the process, Anna has to decide if and when she will tell him the truth: that she is already married, albeit unhappily, to Clinch Leatherwood, a vicious outlaw who, along with his gang, she and Lewis are waiting for in Old Stump. Holy sh*t. To build a home and a life in this harsh, unforgiving country required that a man be bold, fearless, and tough as iron. to colleagues, clients or customers, or inquire about WARNING: The rest of this article contains minor spoilers for A Million Ways To Die In The West.If you haven't seen the film, read on at your own risk! And just a small amount of venom in an open wound is enough to kill a man if he's Albert: Did he hear all that smart stuff I did? I went to your farm the other day, and I saw one in the back yard, three way up on the ridge, two in the pond and one on the roof. Amick Byram. All rights reserved. All A Million Ways to Die in the West Videos A Million Ways to Die in the West: Trailer 1 2:30 Added: January 19, 2017 A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Ways to Die 2:24 Added . Get the freshest reviews, news, and more delivered right to your inbox! Tap "Sign me up" below to receive our weekly newsletter Set in 1882 in the American west, Albert is a lowly farmer with a nice girlfriend. A Million Ways to Die in the West - Wikipedia Watch A Million Ways To Die In The West: Anna Tries To Teach Albert How To Shoot, Watch A Million Ways To Die In The West: Foy Mocks Albert On Their Way To The Shooting Gallery, Watch A Million Ways To Die In The West: Anna Meets Albert At The Dance. The American West, 1880s. Isn't the fair on Saturday? 1:31. But, just how many ways to die are there in the west? He gets no comfort or love from his girlfriend Louise (Amanda Seyfried), who breaks his heart by dumping him for moustachioed playboy Foy (the reliably funny Neil Patrick Harris). After all, you can never go wrong combining westerns and music . After Seth MacFarlane's directorial debut Ted became one of the highest-grossing comedies ever made, he pretty much had the freedom to do whatever he wanted for his second movie. Starring Seth MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Liam Neeson, Neil Patrick Harris, Amanda Seyfried, Sarah Silverman and Giovanni Ribisi. Anna and Albert. Seth MacFarlane's western spoof A Million Ways to Die in the West includes nods to such genre classics as The Searchers and Unforgiven. Enter Anna, played by Charlize Theron, a regular Annie Oakley who takes a shine to Albert and wants to show him how to cock his pistol. One of A Million Ways to Die in the West is to give away all your jokes in the promos leading up to your film's debut. Like, My God, you put all this work and all this time and all this artistry into a song about sperm?'. If You've Only Got a Moustache. 15. After Albert backs out of a gunfight, his fickle girlfriend leaves him for another man. Although she states otherwise, the shoot-out is arguably the last straw for Louise, Albert's vain girlfriend, who breaks up with him. And, you know, the funny thing is, you don't even have to get bitten. Web. All Rights Reserved. A passive, shy sheep farmer tries to avoid conflict, a trait which has kept him alive but has now resulted in his girlfriend leaving him. Edward: Please don't shoot us on sex night. Its justits a song about sperm, and yet they treat it with such legitimacy in their orchestration and their vocal performance and their choreography, and its this huge number with what looks to be over 100 dancers on screen. Albert, in turn, has to decide when he will become a real man in doing what he needs for what, or who, he truly wants in life. A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014) - Plot Summary - IMDb By Stephen Holden. . He is also not adept at shooting guns, which makes the death by shoot-outs even more likely, and is the reason why he cowers out of a shoot-out with someone to whom he owes money. As a fan of Seth MacFarlane's series Family Guy and his feature film debut Ted, it's a shame to report that if you've seen the trailers for his new western comedy A . - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, "A Million Ways to Die in the West" is a moronic 2. September 9, 2014 Anna: Especially a smoking hot girl. The film follows Albert Stark (MacFarlane) who feels certain that the western frontier is trying to kill him while coping from his break-up with his girlfriend.

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a million ways to die in the west mustache quotes